The Highlight of my tenure at Walmart (thus far)

In 2004 I went back to school briefly and so I switched from overnights to afternoons. I was stocking in the Pet Department and as the store was busy we were encountering a lot of customer traffic. At this point I need to pause and say that when I interact with customers I try to give them the utmost respect so terms like"ladies", "gentlemen" I'll use frequently. On this particular day I had to go between a mother and her daughter. Honestly, I have no idea how old the girl was as I just had to walk between the mother and daughter. From the sound of her voice (the daughter) I think she was probably ten or younger. So as walked between the two of them I said my standard, "Excuse me ladies", not even thinking about the fact that one was quite young. I took two steps and I heard the girl say to her mom, "He called me lady!" That made my day, week, month year! It's such a good feeling to give someone a smile!

Fun with a coworker

Over the last four years I've mowed a lot of lawns. The one big lawn I did was actually a graveyard. To keep my sanity (what little of it there is) I would talk to the "residents" while I mowed. (I suppose that is evidence of more insanity then sanity, but oh well.) I'd say excuse me or on a break just stop and talk. A lot of times it was just for kicks and kept me smiling.

My routine before mowing the graveyard was to take my water and long sleeve t shirt (the weather could turn cold very quickly), put it on a headstone, tell the "resident" to watch it and to make sure that their neighbor didn't steal it. I always got a kick out of this. So one day I allegedly did my routine and when I stopped mowing for a drink I couldn't find my water. Understandably, I was a little freaked out. I'd been talking to these headstones and all the sudden it seemed that they were playing games with my mind. As it turns out I had forgotten to take the water out of my car. That night at work I was telling a coworker this story. She thought I was strange to begin with (as do a lot of people) and so I knew I could really have some fun. I explained to her my routine and that when I went to the headstone I thought I had put it on and it wasn't there I got mad at the "resident" because they had let one of the other residents steal my water. Understandably I couldn't get anyone to tell me who took it :-) and so I went up to my car. One of the residents actually had taken my water off the gravestone and snuck it back up to my car. All without me seeing it! So I say this to this lady. She looks at me and says. "You're on drugs." Because I've been taking medication for the last 20 plus years I was able to say "Yes I am!" :-) That was a fun night! Playing with peoples minds can be quite enjoyable!

Walmart Commercials

Working for Wlamrt/Sams Club for as long as I have (15 years at the end of August '09) something happens to you. I'm guessing this is the case in any job but as the years went by I looked for ways to amuse myself...sometimes I didn't even know I was doing it!



Walmart sells thousands of prodiucts and each has a name (obviously). It has to be catch and atractive, yada yada, yada. Some product names can be used in sentences. I'll give an example using laundry detergent.


The Sun was setting as the Surf hit the beach. I ran up the beach hoping, as the waves Gained on me, that All my clothes (from the 80s Era) would stay dry.


So one night I was stocking the Health and Beauty Aids (HBA), specfically adult diapers. Using all the names of products this is what Icame up with:


The Assurance you have Depends on your Poise


Yeah. I know. Way too much free time on my hands but hwat else am I gonna do while I work? So here's another one from HBA, this time using tampons.


To Stayfree you must Always be Carefree.


In order to come up with things like this you must have a very dry sense of humor and an unique brain. I have both. Some would say very unique. I say this because sometimes your brain does things without your knowledge. It will work on problems, etc. Apparently my brain was bored one day so it just started working on assembling a paragraph using baby diapers. One night at work I was pulling a pallet of infants freight out to the floor. As I dropped the pallet in front of the department the following just popped in my head:


My baby has a Dri Bottom because he's sitting on a White Cloud that's Hugging the horizon. What's special about this baby is that he has a mother who Luvs and Pampers him.


I know it's kinda crazy but that's just how my brain works. It's really great most of the time. :-)

A Cold Swim

In the spring of 2003 I had taken a couple weeks off for a hiking trip to Isle Royale National Park. However, before I left I went fishing with Mike and Daron (Two guys I worked with). Mike's family hada camp out on Rice Lake and so we went out quite regualry. Daron had a twelve foot boat with three seats. One in the front, middle, and back. It was around 9am whne we went out. Early May in the Keewenaw Peninsulaistill a little cool so I had my Carhart coat on, jeans, and the hiking boots I bought for the trip to Isle Royale National Park (For those who don't know, Isle Royale is an island in Lake Superior that became a National Park in 2000).





We were fishing for about three hours. Because I had worked the night before I had yet to sleep so at around 11:30 I told Mike we needed to head back so I could get home and get some sleep so Daron started heading back toward shore. Over the length of the morning we had moved around quite a bit. I sat in the middle passing beer from front to back and vis versa. During the course of the morning Daron would stand up occasionally cast out and reel in. Mike did the same. I stayed seated the entire time. That is until just before we got to shore. Let me pause at this point and say that while I had heard the term sea legs I never really knew what it actually was and more imprtantly, how to avoid it. I decided that since I hadn't tried it yet I'd stand up and cast out at least once. I never got the chance. I stood up and fell flat on my back...overboard, fully clothed and fishing pole in hand. The fishing pole was Mike's wife's and he adamantly told me before we went out not to let anything happen to it. So when I went over and down that fishing pole stayed in hand. Mike and Daron were franetically trying to keep the boat from capsizing while at the same time trying to get me out of the very cold water. I didnt think it was that bad until we started moving faster on the lake. We got back to his camp and they turned the stove on to get me warmed up as well as my car. A drive back was offered and I should've taken them up on it but didn't. I was living in Calumet at the time and when I got home I emptied the contents of my wallet on the kitchen table to dry and jumped into a very hot shower. I got it as hot as I could stand and just stood in there until my entire body was red. I then went to bed but instead of sleeping under blankets I got a mummy sleeping bag to make sure the heat in my body got back and stayed at the temperature it was suppose to. Needless to say the boots had to dry out ans did everything else. It was an eventful morning! :-)

I think the year was 2003. The Redwings were going for the Stanley Cup. I think it was Game 3. It turned out to be one of the longest games in Stanley Cup history. Three overtimes. I had been invited over to their house to watch the game. It got to be after midnight and Jerry (being a pastor and it being a Saturday night) decided to hit the sack. I was not thinking straight and I think he said something about taping the game. I told him I;d turn off the tape so he went to bed. Now I'm sitting by myself in the living room of someone else's house after midnight. Not good. But since I was there I figured I'd see the game through and then quietly leave. The Redwings won after the third overtime and I quietly cheered for them. I then turned off the tape, and quietly made my way to the door.Their house had an enclosed front porch with a wooden door separating the porch from the house. As I tried to quietly close the door to the porch, the door stuck and I, not realizing it, pulled right through it. It wouldn't have been a big deal had I not inadvertantly slammed the door...at 2am. So rather then a quiet exit, I left with a bang. The next day at church I asked Jerry if I'd been quiet. He said yes. Then I asked if he'd heard me leave. His response? "Everybody heard you leave!" However for some reason his kids slept through it so it wasn't a big deal. However, I still made it a point to make my exits and a more reasonable hour.